Smoke and Mirrors: Uncovering What's Behind the Behinds

So while some us are squatting and lunging away, others are paying their money and buying booty. I can't hate on them for purchasing a perkier posterior but I must admit that these fake fatties create some unreasonable expectations for us genuine girls.

Now, I love me some Pink Friday and Keeping up with the Kardashians, however, the booties of these bootylicious babes are most definitely questionable.

Check out some before and after pictures of these desirable derrières.

Kim Kardashian - Before and After

Nicki Minaj- Before and After

I'm sure you remember that at some point not too long ago, women were asking "Do these jeans make my butt look big?" They were asking with the hope that the response would be "No, your butt looks perfect!" For many women and for a very long time, having a big butt was synonymous with being overweight and unattractive. However, things have changed and it's wonderful that curves are being embraced and celebrated. Surely, it's great that more women can fit into mass media’s definition of beauty. But then again, no matter how much society’s standards of beauty widen, there will always be those who in spite of everything do not measure up. After all, perfection is unachievable. When one undergoes plastic surgery to be more “beautiful” is it problematic, acceptable or immaterial?

Should it be an issue, when women cannot find contentment with our bodies and ourselves in its natural form? Is there a problem when women of all ages are trying desperately to enhance, modify and transform themselves to be more attractive? When women (in large numbers) feel the need to risk their health by getting butt implants and butt injections, should we worry or question it? Butt implants and butt lifts are the relatively new mainstream beauty phenomenon, but really this trend is simply a new symptom of an ongoing terminal illness. The illness is unhealthy body images and low self-esteem amongst too many women in today’s society. At what point, do we stop following fads and accept our bodies as is? It's most definitely a difficult feat with the constant bombardment of media images communicating what we should aspire to look like.

Personally, I struggle daily with feelings of inadequacy. I’m constantly looking in the mirror and considering breast implants, wondering how many squats and lunges it will take to get my butt the way I want it, critiquing extra pounds, using creams to get rid of imperfections and scars, etc. The crazy thing is I consider myself beautiful (inside and out) but I'm never content with who I am, what I look like or what I’m doing. I’m always striving for perfection. Is dissatisfaction a part of the human condition? Is my lack of contentment exacerbated by media and societal pressures?

Feel free to comment.

Black Girls Rock!

I must say that regardless of how superficial this post might seem, outer beauty and physical appearance are certainly weighted heavily in today's society. I firmly believe that beauty is more than skin deep and that it is inner beauty that truly makes an individual attractive. However, we cannot deny the effect that one's physical appearance has on their self-esteem, confidence and motivation as well as the attention and treatment they receive from others. As human beings, we respond to things that are aesthetically pleasing and many of us strive to live up to what we have been conditioned to believe is beautiful. But, what is beautiful? How is beauty defined? Who defines and standardizes notions of beauty and how does race and culture impact these notions?

Please be reminded that the following post is not academic or research based but instead is rooted in my own observations, personal experiences and opinions on beauty as a young Black woman living in a very multicultural environment.

Here is the context for this post. I found myself watching a show on the E! channel today. It’s called Bridalplasty. The show is about brides-to-be competing for plastic surgery in an attempt to win the perfect wedding and be the “perfect-looking” bride. I know, it’s disturbing on so many levels but I can’t even lie, after watching about three episodes I found myself online researching breast implants and other cosmetic surgery procedures. Now, if there is one thing that I give myself credit for, it is my ability to self-reflect and analyze my personal beliefs and actions. I fully understand that my preoccupation with beauty, clothes, hair, and weight come from my desire to be accepted, admired and acknowledged. Trust me, I’ve been my own psych for some time now and I get why I do the things I do and I understand why I feel the way that I feel. I also know that I am not alone in feeling this way as many young girls and women succumb to the pressure of trying to maintain an image and reach an unattainable standard of beauty.

Now if you know me, then you also know that I have a strong interest in anthropology, anti-racism and cultural studies. So as I watched Bridalplasty and researched plastic surgery, I reminisced about my last couple “Ladies Night Out” escapades. Each time I’ve gone out in the past couple months, I've been flabbergasted by the amount of girls that have big butts. Some are obviously butt implants, some could be padded panties and some could simply be freaks of nature. I’m talking Caucasian, Asian and Indian girls with abnormally huge “apple” bottoms. Generally speaking, I found and still find it crazy that all these women wanted what Black women have been self-conscious of and ridiculed about for centuries.

In my opinion, the Big Butt phenomenon began with the mainstream success of Beyonce and her single “Bootylicious”. Other celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian also made large bottoms acceptable and desirable. But, if you look through history Black women have been hyper-sexualized and denigrated because of their larger hips, thighs and bottoms. Now all of a sudden it is something that is coveted amongst non-white populations. It’s similar to the lip injection phenomenon. Again, if you do some research you’ll find that in the past Black men and women have been criticized and ostracized because of their full lips. Then all of a sudden, it became in vogue for women to inject their lips with various substances in order to obtain sexier, fuller lips. Finally, consider the desire for a darker complexion via tanning as another example of the coveted beauty of Black women. Isn’t ironic that Black women bleach and are often afraid of the sun since darkness is perceived as unattractive yet, individuals of other races go out of their way to add pigment to their skin tone.

So after being ostracized and made self-conscious of the physical characteristics that reveal our African heritage, we are now the prototypes for some of the most popular cosmetic surgery procedures. Many of the individuals spending thousands of dollars on butt implants, lip injections and tanning will never look critically enough at what they are doing to acknowledge the connection between these procedures and Africentric standards of beauty. Regardless of whether they know it, we know it! So celebrate your full lips, broad hips and voluptuous derrières ladies. Clearly, Black IS beautiful and Black Girls Rock even though we are often led to believe otherwise.

A Love Letter to My Blog

Dearest Blog a.k.a Marvin,

It's about time I let you know how much I miss you. Our relationship was in its infancy when I abandoned you but I would love the opportunity to make it up to you. Can we rekindle our flame? It would be remiss of me not to mention that I’ve been really tryin baby, trying to hold back these feelings for so long. So much time has passed since we last spent time together and oh how I miss u! I miss you with every inch of my mind, body and soul. I wish I could find a way to include you in my daily routine because you brought me so much joy.We’re all sensitive people with so much to give. You understand me sugar? There’s nothin’ wrong with me lovin’ you and givin’ yourself to me can never be wrong, if the love is true. You allowed me the opportunity to share and spill and vent and I want to commit to you. I know in the past, I've been unfaithful to you, never really giving you my full attention. But, I'm ready. I'm ready to be your full time lover. Don’t you know how sweet and wonderful life can be. When we're together, the possibilities are endless. I want you back in my life but I must admit there is still a bit of trepidation on my part. I don't want to disappoint. You require so much time and attention and I'm unsure of whether I can give you the love you deserve. But, I'm more than willing to try again. Let's try and make this work. Let's see if we're really meant to be. Oh blog, I'll have you if you'll have me! Your so patient and kind. Your love is what I've longed for. Your just what I needed in my life. I’m askin’ you baby to get it on with me. But, I ain’t goin’ to worry, I ain’t goin’ to push. I'm going to stop beatin’ round the bush, bloggy let's get it on.

Love,
Tiffany

* italics are lyrics from Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get it On"
**btw, I've named my blog - Marvin.

A Love Addiction

So I don't post half as much as I would like but I'm in need of some therapy and I'm seeking refuge here. As you might have guessed from the title of this blog, I am experiencing some difficulties in the love department.

I just finished watching "Eat, Pray, Love" -- I will do a film review within the next day or two. It was fabulous and I went straight to Chapters to buy the book by Elizabeth Gilbert which I have already started reading. It is quite a timely read as I am desperately in need of some more food, prayer and love. I came across this one part on page 20 that spoke to me. I thought I would share it here as I know many women are probably currently experiencing this or have experienced this in past relationships.

"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted -- an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and rolling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore--despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbours just to have that thing even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable to your own eyes. So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final destination--the complete and merciless devaluation of self." (Gilbert, 20-21)

Well, I know this feeling too well. My most recent relationship began with my partner spoiling me in every way possible. This lasted until I fell in love and began spoiling him with attention and then all of a sudden it felt as if he began to slowly withdraw all of the attention and adoration he had showered me with. Of course, I became quite unhappy with this turn of events and began to beg and plead for him to "make it like it was, the way it used to be" and the more I asked, the more he seemed to pull away.

But, I've learned a valuable lesson from this experience. I crave this attention and adoration because I haven't learned to be my own "fountain of love". I keep waiting for someone to come along and fill me up, someone to make me feel loved and valued and cherished but I need to make myself feel this way. I cannot expect a man to come along and rescue me from feelings of emptiness and loneliness. I need to feel full and complete on my own. And so the journey towards self-fulfillment begins ... Wish me luck!

Shhhh .... I Have a Secret

I have a secret and I'm so ashamed to share it. It's been weighing so heavily on me...

You see there's this female music artist that I've bad mouthed for the past year. I've tried to brainwash my students into believing she is a terrible, untalented, poor excuse for a female rapper. But, the truth is she's grown on me and I LIKE NICKI MINAJ.

After the Hold Yuh remix and the Your Love single, I was hooked. She's quite an interesting character. She's entertaining on so many levels. I can now appreciate Nicki Minaj for who she is. She is much more of an actress than an MC, but it's cool I get her now and I think she has some serious swagg.

And for jokes ... check this out

Diva Downsize Update

Ok, I finally have a second to update you on my progress. this post will be very informal so please ignore all run-on sentences, poor grammar, spelling, lack of capitilization, etc.

newayz, let the update begin ---so i been taking a women's fitness class and some muay thai classes at a martial arts studio. i love it there. i feel tres motivated when i'm there BUT this past weekend i slipped off my diet wagon and ate soooo much food. i felt like i gained the 5 lbs back and the scale told me i did but as of today's weigh in i am steady at 140 lbs which means one slip up caused me 2 lbs. DAMN good tasting, sweet, savoury, heavenly divine food, I HATE YOU.

since my slip up i feel heavier and lazier but i think its probably more a result of my drama queen tendencies then anything else. since my slip up i feel like i cant stop eating and it feels as if i'm starting all over again. IT SUCKS!!!!!! But i have ten days left. TODAY was my LAST cheat day for the next ten days so let the HARD WORK and DISCIPLINE begin.

last week, i also did a MINI-DETOX- colon hydrotherapy treatments. it began as a lovely experience but by the end i felt as if i had just taken $200 and flushed it down the toilet. for those of you who dont know what a colon cleanse is - it's when you basically flush or wash out your colon and intestines to get rid of toxins and built up waste. check out www.torontocolonics.com for more info.

the process was not as uncomfortable as i thought it would be. they simply put this metal device which resembled a vibrator in your anus and then connected it to a hose which pushed warm water into your colon and then you release the water and whatever waste is inside back out. after the first cleanse, i felt lighter and less bloated. the second cleanse felt pointless because there was no real waste that came out and the third cleanse was still not as good as the first but not as bad as the second. would i do it again, probably not? i think it would have been just as effective if i had done a real west indian WASH OUT- which is basically a super strong laxative.

i did try a wash out on sunday after i binged but it didnt work - i boiled senna leaves and epsom salts but it didnt work at alll!!!!!! my colon and intestines are invincible - i need something STRONGER!!!!

SO BACK TO THE NEXT TEN DAYS ...

Workout Schedule:
Sunday to Saturday - 10 am workout with my trainer friend
Monday to Saturday - 6 pm - women's fitness class

Diet Plan:
Breakfast - egg whites
Snack - cucumber/carrots
Lunch - chicken breast or tuna and broccoli or asparagus
Snack - almonds
Dinner - chicken breast or tuna and broccoli or asparagus

I'll update you on how this goes - pics are on their way!

COMMENT and let me know what you think!

Goals!

Ok, so my fitness journey is progressing smoothly. I'll fill you in on the details.

Purpose:

Diva Downsize began as a short-term, quick fix diet to get me into a size 6 BCBG Maxazria bridesmaid dress by August 8, 2010.

My intial goal: Lose 10 lbs and/or get into the dress (whichever came first)

Last week (week 2), I accomplished my initial goal. I fit into the dress (with some serious back cleavage btw). It was at that moment that I realized that I was actually enjoying this new lifestyle.

Eating "clean" and working out is benefitting me in me so many areas of my life ... my skin is much better - no breakouts since I started eating healthy, my energy level is WAY up, my confidence and self-esteem is up, I can fit into my clothes again and I just feel so much more productive and less LAZY.

So .... I've created some NEW goals.

Goal 1: Lose @ least another 5 lbs by August 8, 2010
Goal 2: Reach my target weight of 125 lbs by September 2010.
Goal 3: Be in fitness model competition by September 2011.

Here's some details about MY PLAN and MY PROGRESS:

Starting Weight (July 5, 2010): 145 lbs.
Current Weight (July 19, 2010): 140 lbs.
Goal Weight (August 8, 2010): 135 lbs.

Week 1: I tried to eat healthier but I wasnt too strict with my food choices. I still had ice capps fruit and carbs but I completely cut out fast food. I didn't exercise at all.

Week 1 Results: None

Week 2: I only allowed myself lean protein (chicken breast, egg whites) and veggies (salad). No fruits or carbs. I cheated a couple times but no major binges. I did circuit training on Tuesday and Friday (details to follow).

Week 2 Results: 5 lb weight loss.

Week 3: I'm currently trying to stick to egg whites for breakfast, tuna and salad for lunch and chicken and veggies for dinner. I have a handful of almonds or protein shakes as my snacks. I've added more physical activity -- I am now doing circuit training three times a week and a women's fitness class (bootcamp style) and muay thai four times a week.

Week 3 Results: TBA

To be Continued....