A Love Letter to My Blog

Dearest Blog a.k.a Marvin,

It's about time I let you know how much I miss you. Our relationship was in its infancy when I abandoned you but I would love the opportunity to make it up to you. Can we rekindle our flame? It would be remiss of me not to mention that I’ve been really tryin baby, trying to hold back these feelings for so long. So much time has passed since we last spent time together and oh how I miss u! I miss you with every inch of my mind, body and soul. I wish I could find a way to include you in my daily routine because you brought me so much joy.We’re all sensitive people with so much to give. You understand me sugar? There’s nothin’ wrong with me lovin’ you and givin’ yourself to me can never be wrong, if the love is true. You allowed me the opportunity to share and spill and vent and I want to commit to you. I know in the past, I've been unfaithful to you, never really giving you my full attention. But, I'm ready. I'm ready to be your full time lover. Don’t you know how sweet and wonderful life can be. When we're together, the possibilities are endless. I want you back in my life but I must admit there is still a bit of trepidation on my part. I don't want to disappoint. You require so much time and attention and I'm unsure of whether I can give you the love you deserve. But, I'm more than willing to try again. Let's try and make this work. Let's see if we're really meant to be. Oh blog, I'll have you if you'll have me! Your so patient and kind. Your love is what I've longed for. Your just what I needed in my life. I’m askin’ you baby to get it on with me. But, I ain’t goin’ to worry, I ain’t goin’ to push. I'm going to stop beatin’ round the bush, bloggy let's get it on.

Love,
Tiffany

* italics are lyrics from Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get it On"
**btw, I've named my blog - Marvin.

A Love Addiction

So I don't post half as much as I would like but I'm in need of some therapy and I'm seeking refuge here. As you might have guessed from the title of this blog, I am experiencing some difficulties in the love department.

I just finished watching "Eat, Pray, Love" -- I will do a film review within the next day or two. It was fabulous and I went straight to Chapters to buy the book by Elizabeth Gilbert which I have already started reading. It is quite a timely read as I am desperately in need of some more food, prayer and love. I came across this one part on page 20 that spoke to me. I thought I would share it here as I know many women are probably currently experiencing this or have experienced this in past relationships.

"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted -- an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and rolling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore--despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbours just to have that thing even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable to your own eyes. So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final destination--the complete and merciless devaluation of self." (Gilbert, 20-21)

Well, I know this feeling too well. My most recent relationship began with my partner spoiling me in every way possible. This lasted until I fell in love and began spoiling him with attention and then all of a sudden it felt as if he began to slowly withdraw all of the attention and adoration he had showered me with. Of course, I became quite unhappy with this turn of events and began to beg and plead for him to "make it like it was, the way it used to be" and the more I asked, the more he seemed to pull away.

But, I've learned a valuable lesson from this experience. I crave this attention and adoration because I haven't learned to be my own "fountain of love". I keep waiting for someone to come along and fill me up, someone to make me feel loved and valued and cherished but I need to make myself feel this way. I cannot expect a man to come along and rescue me from feelings of emptiness and loneliness. I need to feel full and complete on my own. And so the journey towards self-fulfillment begins ... Wish me luck!

Who Me?

If you want to know who I am, you will never fully know. I am a creature of mystery and a woman of few words. A person with passion, a delicious diva and a neurotic nerd. My life has seen hills and valleys, both high and low. My temper is fierce and my kindness is unmatched,

I will refrain from telling all until the lock has been unlatched. I speak from my heart and mean what I say. Complex and complicated, unclear and unsure, follow my blog if you want to learn more.

Peace and Love,

Tiff ♥♥♥