So I don't post half as much as I would like but I'm in need of some therapy and I'm seeking refuge here. As you might have guessed from the title of this blog, I am experiencing some difficulties in the love department.
I just finished watching "Eat, Pray, Love" -- I will do a film review within the next day or two. It was fabulous and I went straight to Chapters to buy the book by Elizabeth Gilbert which I have already started reading. It is quite a timely read as I am desperately in need of some more food, prayer and love. I came across this one part on page 20 that spoke to me. I thought I would share it here as I know many women are probably currently experiencing this or have experienced this in past relationships.
"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted -- an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and rolling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore--despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbours just to have that thing even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable to your own eyes. So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final destination--the complete and merciless devaluation of self." (Gilbert, 20-21)
Well, I know this feeling too well. My most recent relationship began with my partner spoiling me in every way possible. This lasted until I fell in love and began spoiling him with attention and then all of a sudden it felt as if he began to slowly withdraw all of the attention and adoration he had showered me with. Of course, I became quite unhappy with this turn of events and began to beg and plead for him to "make it like it was, the way it
used to be" and the more I asked, the more he seemed to pull away.
But, I've learned a valuable lesson from this experience. I crave this attention and adoration because I haven't learned to be my own "fountain of love". I keep waiting for someone to come along and fill me up, someone to make me feel loved and valued and cherished but I need to make myself feel this way. I cannot expect a man to come along and rescue me from feelings of emptiness and loneliness. I need to feel full and complete on my own. And so the journey towards self-fulfillment begins ... Wish me luck!
I just finished watching "Eat, Pray, Love" -- I will do a film review within the next day or two. It was fabulous and I went straight to Chapters to buy the book by Elizabeth Gilbert which I have already started reading. It is quite a timely read as I am desperately in need of some more food, prayer and love. I came across this one part on page 20 that spoke to me. I thought I would share it here as I know many women are probably currently experiencing this or have experienced this in past relationships.
"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted -- an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and rolling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore--despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbours just to have that thing even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable to your own eyes. So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final destination--the complete and merciless devaluation of self." (Gilbert, 20-21)
Well, I know this feeling too well. My most recent relationship began with my partner spoiling me in every way possible. This lasted until I fell in love and began spoiling him with attention and then all of a sudden it felt as if he began to slowly withdraw all of the attention and adoration he had showered me with. Of course, I became quite unhappy with this turn of events and began to beg and plead for him to "make it like it was, the way it
used to be" and the more I asked, the more he seemed to pull away.But, I've learned a valuable lesson from this experience. I crave this attention and adoration because I haven't learned to be my own "fountain of love". I keep waiting for someone to come along and fill me up, someone to make me feel loved and valued and cherished but I need to make myself feel this way. I cannot expect a man to come along and rescue me from feelings of emptiness and loneliness. I need to feel full and complete on my own. And so the journey towards self-fulfillment begins ... Wish me luck!
Hi Tiffany! Great post, I would love to talk to you about the book/movie because you and I have different perceptions of it. I read the book (borrowed it from SSFA library!) and HATED it from the get-go. I viewed Gilbert negatively and found myself bored with her and her indulgent travels. I refuse to watch the movie and now wonder if I should. Let's talk about it at school! This is kind of nerdy but I was thinking of starting a Fleming book club for the staff. Not on this particular book, per se, but you know...Something to read together and discuss. Do you think it'll fly? If not, then we can start our staff fitness club. Hope you're enjoying what's left of this break! (P.S. - This is Peggy)
ReplyDeleteHey Peggy. I think a book club is a great idea and is not nerdy at all. I love the idea! I read your blog and love it. I can't wait to finish the book so that I can discuss it with you and Roopa!
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